"When I enter a room of suits (like the conference last week, which was called Supernova and was concerned with the business of the internet and which I was covering for Valleywag), it's never the women who put me at instant ease. It's the the other freaks: the femmey guys, the queers, the girl with the lip ring, the boy with the crazy boots. The women in tech I once looked to for support, though they may have once thought I was a cute enough anomaly to tolerate when I could be their Token Whore Speaker, are not the instant allies the web sisterhood wants you to believe they are. It's not okay to say this, but I'm scared that for most women, period, feminism is no longer about breaking the rules men have set, but learning men's rules well enough to seem like they're playing along. But that's probably exactly what some women think I'm doing when I take (or took) my clothes off for money. I'm out of reasons to explain why it wasn't. I can point to my home, my city, my lovers, my friends, my community, my work as reasons, as proof -- that I made it in my own fucking Sinatra way, and that my voice is worthy."

--Melissa Grant Gira, writing about both the much commented on paucity of women at SuperNova, and the fact that identifying as a feminist and a subversive, political  queer does not align, much of the time, with being a Web 2.0 digital elitist,  whether you are pro women in tech or not.

Susan sez: In other words, there's more than one status quo.  As you can see through Meilissa's questioning, feminist identity politics and alt gender politics are not exactly the same thing. Here's some of my thoughts on this--

One could argue that the right to be sexual (and have Zivity take your picture), the right to be a woman and not feel like--or be--a minority--at a major conference are tied to identity and people's rights and abilities to own and control their own identities.

However, one could also say that there's a second set of issue here that are as much a part of gender politics as personal identity.-I'd name them as the right to be openly alt or queer, to be frank about sexuality and sexual values, to be open and accepting of those with other sexual orientations and values--that are as much a part of gender politics as personal identity and that are just as threatening to the status quo as feminism.

Melissa, I don't think the women I know wish you ill, or fear you.

I think they, like me, want all of us to find a way to do the right thing, for it to not take so much effort and, as you say, for everyone to have joy.

 I think that what feels like rejection is plain old repression, the need for so  many of us to take a deep breath, face what is different and then ask the honest question "Can we find this truth in ourselves?"

What creates change is the will to change. What creates knowledge--and insight--is listening.
I hope people hear your words, Melissa--this is a beautiful and disturbing post.

I'm moderating a panel at BlogHer. in July on Who We Are: "Coming Out" via Blog
Here's the descriptor:

"No, this doesn't only apply to the most common meaning of "coming out", but rather to taking the brave step to reveal and address something highly personal to your blog community. The risks are real, but what about the rewards? Susan Mernit will moderate a discussion with some very brave bloggers. Stephanie Quilao blogs about health and a positive body image. Making the decision to blog a bulimia relapse risked losing a core audience who counted on her to be a voice of body image reason. How did they react? JenB has been up front about both mental and physical health issues on her blog. Does she feel supported...or judged? Finally, Sarah Dopp did launch a new project about being gender queer. At first she used a pseudonym, although she shared the site with people she knew. Eventually she came out and associated her real name with the site. Was there fallout? Or none at all. Find out how coming out via blog turned out for these women, and share your own story."

This is a chance to share stories about using blogs both to discover who you are and to share who you are with others--both through the blog and via the blog (as in real world sharing/owning/transparency).

BlogHer is one of my favorites conferences and I hope to see you there.It's July 19-21st, pretty much, in San Francisco.

PS, If female (and male)  CEOS of start-ups and founders of early stage companies would like to do a BOF at BlogHer--let me know; I would be up for that in a major way!

"We have people calling on a weekly if not daily basis. If somebody engages in the use of an application compulsively, we get calls about it. There isn't one application that's good or bad, but if people are unable or unwilling to stop using it, that's what we look at as a red flag for an intervention."

--Libby Smith, corporate clinician for the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery, which helps treat internet addicts, quoted in a WIRED story on the likely failures of trying to avoid sever information overload at this week's Web 2.0 Expo in San Francisco.